Who Am I?

 

The Story of the Uncommon Mom

You have most likely made yourself familiar with who I am through my blog posts, but I would like to fully and formally introduce myself. I am Karma Ralliford, born 31 years ago to parents who were anything but common, even in the early eighties. My father was a musician and my mother was something like his groupy. This was not the case for long. Two years after I was born, the band otherwise know as my family, was as broken as the Beatles after Yoko Ono. I was a product of divorce, and raised by my single parent father. This was very uncommon during this time, yet today it seems as common as single mothers. My father did what he was able to do in raising his children, being disabled and not having a clue as to how to raise any child let alone daughters. As all single parent homes, we made it work. I did not know much of my mother growing up, she took on the role of the absentee parent, showing her face when it was time for school to begin, and never on holidays. My upbringing was like that of a young boy being raised by a single father, I was always around my dad, helping him in the garage with his cars more than I played with Barbie dolls. I left that to my younger sister.

Almost immediately before puberty began, my mother came, and for all intents and purposes, legally kidnapped me and my siblings. Very soon after, she placed me and my brother in the custody of the state, in essence giving up on us completely. My younger sister stayed with my mother up until the time of her suicide, at which time she too was placed in the custody of the state. My siblings were more fortunate than myself, only being placed once or twice in much more wealthy situations than mine. I was moved around like cattle, from institution to institution, no longer knowing the meaning of family. Once I was old enough to get myself out of this situation, I did now living on the streets, fending for myself, taking care of the needs that most teenagers rely on their parents for. I was fifteen at the time. From that point on, I had to do whatever it took to ensure my survival.mi had no one looking out for me, no one to turn to for help, I was on my own in this large and unforgiving world. This was my life until I got pregnant with my first child at the age of  21. 

When I got pregnant with my first child, her father and I deecided it was time for a change. It was time to leave the place where we both had negative histories and begin somewhere else brand new, somewhere no one knew either of us or where we came from. That is what we did. We moved almost 2000 miles from the place we both knew as home, to a place that we knew no one, or anything nor did we have a place to call our own. When we got here, it was more than stressful, but we made it work. We found a small one bedroom apartment, that I swear used to be an old hotel that was converted. We had no furniture, not even a bed or a crib, but we made it work. My husband and I slept on the floor of our apartment for the first few weeks until he found a job and got his first check, and our daughter slept in a make shift crib made out of a Rubbermaid tote and blankets. Yes we struggled, but honestly we appreciate what we do have today just that much more because of it. Alike our living arraignments and our pasts, our relationship was not, nor ever has it been perfect. My husband and I have gone through many trials and tribulations, from financial trials to yelling matches over the stupidest of things. One thing I am very grateful for however is the fact that we have never had to deal with infidelity. No matter how bad the arguments, and they have gotten pretty bad at times, I have never had to worry about another woman coming to me saying that she even knows my husband. 

My life has been about as uncommon as they come. I'm not saying that there are not others out there who have a more challenging story than mine, but from what I know mine is up there in the top 25 for what I know. I lived through challenges that have taken the lives of others, have seen things that would have broken many, and I have experienced things that would make some shutter. I lost my first son when I was 26 with no logical explanation as to why or how. When I was 20-something I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer which spread to my Ovaries and Uterus, losing any and all forms of medical coverage, receiving no treatment for over four years. My youngest child was diagnosed with Down Syndrome post-partum, the day before his first Thanksgiving, and my oldest daughter suffers  from a very rare ear deformity that causes her to hear everything in echoes. This is the foundation of the Uncommon Mom. The Uncommon Mom in me allows me to be flexible to meet the needs of my family, no matter how strange or unnecessary they may be. My family is the epitome of the Uncommon family, as we all have some sort of special need. Personally I believe that most families have some sort of special need, and when they don't, they may need one.

I tell you my story so that we may be properly introduced. When I write, I write for the top of my head, so whatever may be going on that day or week in my home, most likely will end up somewhere on my blog. I write this way so that other moms, dads, parents of any sort may know that it is ok to want to just scream sometimes. It is perfectly fine to not have dinner on the table at 6pm on the dot, to be late picking the kids up (as long as your not an hour late). Just because you are a parent does not mean that your identity is lost to being a taxi cab for your children, an errand girl for your husband, or a secretary for some Fortune 500. We are mothers, but we are also women who still have needs and wants that we must meet so that we do not lose ourselves. When you lose yourself, you have lost it all.