What is Friendship?

What is friendship?  Not the innocent playground chattering at recess or the giggling of getting ready for homecoming, but that talk over coffee or those long phone conversations anything but lost in this hustle bustle time of E-mail, text, and social media. It's that "thing" between two people that draws them closer than two people not related ever could be allowing them to trust with abandon, share without thought, and love without boundary. True friendship almost seems impossible to form as an adult, especially living in a place that you have no actual ties to, having either not gone to college or have gone but in an online setting. Why is it so difficult to form deep, meaningful friendships from scratch as an adult?

As a child, my father did not have many people he would bring into our house as friends, telling us never to allow a person who isn't your friend to come in your castle. He had permanently affixed to our refrigerator's front the actual Webster's dictionary definition of friendship, attempting to subliminally embed it into our heads. You would think as an adult I would have an easier time making and keeping friends, but this isn't the case. To be brutally honest, my siblings are not very far from that tree either. It almost feels genetic to be an introvert, which most times I'm OK with but recently I've become extra sensitive to. This is possibly brought on by me being hurled into premature menopause, a sign of depression making me doubt myself, or even just fed up with not having at least one person I can actually consider a friend. Whatever the case I've become over observant of the people who call themselves friend, I've grown increasingly more agitated with those people who in other situations i would probably not even associate with, becoming more aware of their intentions.

In this social media age, we all have a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and with these accounts come people who you associate with regularly. Technically these people are called "friends" yet how many could ready be considered as a friend?  How many of those who are characterized as a friend would truly give you an unconditional ear, shirt off their back, understanding of your issues without judgement? Not many in my adult life. I have attempted several times to make a good friend while I have been an adult, and each time I have been Steve's in the back. Some would chalk it up to meeting the wrong type of people, but I have met all different types, from all walks of life. It seems to never fail, just when I think that this person could be the recipient of my loyalty,a true friend, something always happens to cost the entire friendship. I am not claiming innocence because I know that I can be difficult as a friend, but I also know that I'm more loyal than your childhood dog, and can offer what I expect.

My husband seems to have little trouble making and keeping friends, the only rifts caused by his responsibility to his family, putting us first before his own needs. Could it be because he completely denounces any form of social media, foregoing any and all dreams that comes along with it? It could just be that with his personality and his direct manner attract the right type of people. Either way it goes, at 32 years old, I admire the friendship my husband has with his best (and only) true friend. There are endless possibilities to why my husband, as well as other men, are so easily able to make friends. The emotions of women often cloud our judgment when it comes to building the bonds of friendship. This can come with a great cost if you rely on the wrong person to fill that void.

I have lost almost all of my family, have had to go through many disingenuous people just to get to this point in my life. Granted while I may not be perfect, I am able to be a great friend to any person who deserves this loyalty. I believe that one day I will meet my "Louise". I know that I am not the only mom who is dealing with not having a close friend to speak of for whatever reason, yet I have faith that we all are destined to find that one person we call " friend ".