The Troubles with Marriage

Marriage is a rocky road that takes perseverence, dedication, and loyalty in addition, it seemed as the love, devotion, and respect that brought the two of you together. Marriage will be tested constantly not only by the friction that arises normally from finances, kids, and work but also the change that you and your husband are bound to make over the years of being together and growing older. Over time people are bound to change, sometimes for the better, and others for the worse but there is almost always change. I believe that this is part of the reason that second marriages are more successful than the first. If only there was a way to fix the first marriage before it was broken to alleviate the reason for divorce.

No marriage is perfect, and my own is a perfect example of imperfection. My husband and I have been through everything, just short of infidelity and we are still together. I could tell you some stories that would make you ask why we are still together? I would have to answer that our love, devotion to eachother, and respect for our children has seen us through some very difficult situations, that I have to think have not only made us stronger as a couple but also as individuals. There is one thing that my husband and I have done that I believe helped our relationship in a small way enough to open lines of communication where there once were none. The task that I am talking about is a Mock Separation, that's right, I said Mock Separation, and it was done completly in house, without either of us moving out for even one night. Implementing an in-house separation means that you and your spouse cannot speak to each other, unless it's regarding the kids or scheduling, it also means that you are not able to sleep in the same bed together either. At times it may seem awkward, but honestly it helps. The key is that you have to stick to it and hold your ground.

I believe that I actually adjusted to the separation better than my husband. He had a very difficult time not talking, even though one of his main issues with me is that I don't talk enough. I can actually say that once the seperation began I felt a weight lifted. I honestly felt a bit of relief, maybe it was the pressure of marriage lifted, even if just for a second. I didn't have to cook for him, clean up after him, I wasn't worried about pleasing him. This may sound crazy to some, but when you are married to someone and get to a point that one, or both of you feel stuck in a rut, can't seem to get out of it but don't want to jump into a divorce, this is the best option. There are no two ways around it, this is the only way to salvage a good marriage. This is not the option for every marriage, if your marriage is beyond repair, this will not save it. If your spouse has cheated on you, is abusive, or makes your life a living hell the decision rests with you alone, whether your marriage is able to be saved and if you want to invest the energy it will take to forgive your spouse and the actions they have committed. I am fortunate that my husband has never cheated on me, and I couldn't even consider infidelity. Yet during those volatile times during our marriage, you would think that there was some form of indiscretion with the level of anguish displayed by us both.

I am among the small group of women who is confident in the fact that my husband has never physically cheated on me. On the other hand however, I can also say with confidence that my husband has had questionable conversations with about a handful of women over the ten years that we have been together. In the beginning of our relationship, me finding a text from a woman or a long phone call with an unfamiliar number would have warranted a blow out to say the least. Yet at this point in our relationship, I have given my husband amnesty to admit to his wrong doings, met with little to no reaction. Why the change of heart? It has to do with coming to terms with the type of wife that I have become. Over the years, and through the many trials I have grown more distant, yet never losing the love I have for my husband. I have become so encapsulated in my own issues that I have forgotten about those closest to me. I am able to admit that I have allowed for my life to overwhelm my very being.

My husband and I are very passionate people that seems to only be present in times of turmoil. Recognizing that we have these traits sometimes is able to help in those times of trouble. When we notice that a discussion may be heading towards a disagreement, we need to take a step back, but my husband likes to try and make me laugh, which can honestly go either way. I have to admit  though, most times I can be too serious and try my hardest to keep a straight face. In hindsight I know that I need to let go of things that are minute, while being able to take a joke especially when it's being used as a deflector. Life is hard enough without you or your spouse making things difficult, so just take a breather and make 'em laugh.