When the Holidays Aren't So Happy

With Thanksgiving only three and a half days away, and Christmas one month after you have no choice but to have to prepare, clean, cook, buy and wrap gifts, decorate, then in-decorate, clean, make resolutions, and start over. may you don't have such an issue with the prepping, cleaning, cooking, and changing of the holidays, maybe it is the sense of lose from those family members who have passed away during the past year, or I the past that you think of especially over he holidays. Whatever the reason, many of us do not find the holidays so happy. How do we get through this? How do we find the motivation (and for me the physical strength) to pull through this time and have a time and setting only suitable for Martha Stewart magazine.

If you were to Google how to reduce stress over the holidays, you would surely be overwhelmed by all of the medical, life coach, and lifestyle articles that pop up. After some digging through the medical and other means of relieving the stress, I was able to find over 100 ways to "reduce stress", yet I have my reservations regarding the methods that are suggested by the various sites, yet there are a few that I would consider trying to reduce my own stress. I tend to over stress which makes my lovely husband also stress and begin to show signs of anxiety. This helps no one, it only makes for more tension, which makes me tired. Tired, as in sleepy, as well as mentally, which ends up taking its toll on the true meaning behind all of the preparation and stress, the joy of the holiday.

When we are preparing our homes for the family and friends that are coming to visit (tear up your house, let their kids run wild) there is such a need for perfection, the thought of the impression that we are making is a great stressor. The best remedy for this stress is to not over do it. This is not about who has the nicer house, the better behaved kids, the bigger flat screen. This is about being around family, friends and reflecting on what it is that we really appreciate and give thanks for it. We need to focus on the importance of the family we do have, as there are many family members who have passed away, or have moved to far to even be present. There is such a lonliness that follows the reminiscing of those relatives, yet we have to attempt to focus on what is in front of us. What is in front of us? What are we proud of without being boisterous? Life is strange that we only have this reflection once or twice a year,now hen our families should come together on a more regular basis so that we are closer as a unit.

It is very easy to become overwhelmed while cooking for as many people as you have planned. This may be easier said than done but most times this stress can easily be detered by simply taking a walk. Not a long walk around the track, just a short walk, maybe to the end of the driveway and back. It doesn't really matter how far you walk, walking is healthy and a proven stress reliever. If it happens to be a sunny day, then you are able to de-stress using two methods instead of one, as sunlight is also a proven method of relieving stress. These ways are simple, yet effective in managing stress and do not cost a dime, yet they are there as soon as you begin to feel the anxiety creeping up your spine. While cooking, you may also slice an orange or other citrus fruit and just stop to smell the scent of the citrus. You will notice that some of your stress will begin to deminish as the smell creeps through your nasal passages. These are simple methods to calm the stressors of holidays and having to get so many things done in such a short amount of time.

This year I have had an extra difficult time getting into the "groove" of the cooking and cleaning for thanksgiving. I didn't even have anything planned for the kids to do during this ridiculous ten days that they have off ( does anyone remember when we only had a half day Wednesday and a long weekend?) as I usually do. No craft parties, not even as much as an art project. Now don't get me wrong, I had all of the supplies, but did I feel like getting out of my bed to do anything? ABSOLUTLY NOT! But as mothers and the C.E.O's of our families, we have to be the one to get out of bed, even when we don't want to and give them memorable holidays that they build their own traditions from. I once read somewhere that if there is a chore that you despise doing, (washing dishes for me) it is positive reinforcement to hang a picture of what it is that you are doing it for above where you do that chore. I have actually found this to be helpful to motivate me to get through those grueling hours of chores to be completed. Through all of the physical pain and emotional anchors that tried to hold me back from giving my family a holiday that they are used to, rather than just another day, I had to fight to get out of bed everyday until it was time to just get up and go. I had to stop telling myself how much pain that I was in, I had to just get up and bear with the pain. If it took for me to have to ask my six year old to bring me a chair while I peeled the sweet potatoes, than so be it. I cannot be ashamed of the pain, or the depression that I feel. I am their mother and the root of all their knowledge. The schools will only teach them so much.

Being only half way through cooking my Thanksgiving menu, I should be stressed to the bone. I should be running around like a chicken with no head, in this the eleventh hour. Yet I'm relaxed, almost to the point of going to bed at a normal hour. What is the secret? Stella Artois Hard Cider and I Heart Radio, this is almost completely true. This was the method I used through my cooking marathon today and I didn't yell (too much) at the kids or burn much more than the noodles. Yes I have left a lot to do tomorrow, but honestly I'm going to take advantage of the help that I will have that I have been without for this week, my husband. I am fortunate to have a husband that was my caretaker while I was at my worst with cancer, and who still helps me with everything I need help with, now that I suffer from the worst back on the planet. I know that he is a very rare breed, yet I have to think that if put in similar situations, any of your husbands would do the exact same. Yet when you are not in this situation, many husbands get so used to us doing everything, that they do not expect that you actually need the help. We as wives are supposed to be the ones who take care of everything, needing no help from anyone, but sometimes all it takes is to ask. I have learned this with mine, I've learned that if I do not ask he will watch me struggle until I do actually ask for the help. Sometimes this is all it takes to alleviate the stress is to delegate duties so that all of the stress is not just on your shoulders.

I am beginning to see that our lives are only as difficult as we make them. If we do not verbalize that we  need the help, we will never get it. And then whose fault is it when you drop the turkey? Don't yell at the kids, your husband, or the cats. It's YOURS for not asking for the help. If you are having car trouble wouldn't you ask for a mechanic to help? Or would you try and fix it yourself. I don't know about you but I don't know enough about cars to even attempt it. I know that I may be all over the place, but the point still remains, to alleviate about 60% of your stress on both a regular basis and during the holidays, you have to ask for help. If you are the type of person who does not ask for help, then you may suffer from high stress, and you are doing this to yourself. I can speak from experience that the stress will eat your body and soul from the inside out, if you do not get it under your control. You will not lose control of your life if you ask for help, you only lose the control when you keep silent.

Finding Happiness

Most mothers suffer from some form of depression, and this directly reflects on our husbands and children. Best case scenerio it will only be you who suffers, but the worst case scenerio (and what usually happens) is that it will affect at least one of your family members by your depression becoming their depression. The root of all of the evil and upheaval and our homes and families is moms depression. We have to fix ourselves first. There comes a point in life when you need to be selfish and really only think about yourself until you fix yourself. Unless we are happy, thinking clearly, and being attentive, to both you ourselves and our families. Your level of depression will be the determining factor in how long it will take you to change it. Some of us have become depressed after having our children, others have been dealing with depression longer, and may have gotten worse after having children, there are even some who suffer from seasonal depression and are clueless as to how or why they are only depressed depending on the season. Whatever the cause of your depression, there must be a resolution, for your family to be a reflection of perfection.

Before you can expect to be happy, you have to know why you are depressed. Scientifically, it could be related to your parents, and the chemical make up in your brain. If this is truly the case, that there is truly just a chemical imbalance, then there would seemingly be nothing more to help than to take medication. This could be the truth in more severe cases, yet I always think that even in the worst situations there is always another way. I'm not a direct advocate for medication because most times the side effects are worse than the depression that we suffer from. There are other theories as to the cause of depression such as our environment and the people we surround ourselves with, and this could very well be the case, so we have to change the way that we react to others both internally and externally. This is much easier said than done, and I can be the first to admit that I have felt sad, powerless, and hopeless all at the same time, without a limb to dangle from. I am far from fixed yet I am striving daily to better myself and my family. Hopefully during my process, I will not only be able to help myself, but all of you as well. I can no longer accept the fact that my family's imperfection, lack of motivation and total lack of emotional control is because I have been the one to teach them these behaviors and attitudes. Yet I am going to ask, how and where do we begin this process?

Depression is deep. It lies deeper within us than we would like to admit. Yes you may have just begun to have symptoms after you had your child, but your depression has most likely been laying low for longer than those nine months. There is still confusion as to where depression comes from, it could be the level of nurturing that you received growing up, or it could be the environment that you grew up in, then it could be the chemical make up of your brain itself. If the latter is the case, then there is no other cure than to balance the chemicals with chemicals, but if any if the former are true, then we are the cure to our own depression.i believe that in either situation, it will be difficult to surpass these deep rooted feelings, but we have gone through CHILD LABOR. We as women, mothers and wives not only owe our sanity to our children and spouses, most importantly we owe it to ourselves. We have to change no matter what, no matter how difficult it may be. Life is difficult and without our sanity, we will be no good to anyone, especially, ourselves or our families. There comes a time in motherhood when we have to focus on ourselves in order to repair ourselves. We are the very backbone to our family, and speaking from experience, when mommy isn't healthy, the entire family suffers. You begin to fall behind in normal situations including doctor appointments, and general well being. If mommy is stuck in such a rut that she cannot get out, what makes anyone think that her family will be properly cared for?

The first step in the transformation lies within us and us alone. Like in any process with steps, we have to first be able to admit that we have a problem. If you walk around all day yelling, being mean towards everyone for not appearent reason, get sad and depressed and don't know why, honey, you have a major problem. After you have been able to admit both to yourself and another person that you are depressed, you will begin the process of releasing those old feelings and making space for your new  feelings of motivation, happiness, loving and being loved, most likely for the first time in either a very long time, or maybe in your entire life. These new feelings are often scary and can actually trigger those old feelings of being mad and defensive, as these are our natural defenses. We now are beginning a process of changing those natural defenses to make them as unnatural as possible. As mothers, we hold our family's very well being in our hands, and with too many false moves, it is very simple to have this slip away. Once you are able to look yourself in the mirror daily and tell yourself that you are not your emotions, and that you are better than your emotions, you have conquered the first step and are ready to move on to the next step of the process.

It is never good to get a hobby before you conquer your emotions. If you do attempt to occupy your time and mind before you handle these negative emotions, they will never be handled, they will just be pushed down, allowed to further fester, and eventually will get worse. The emotions must be conquered before you do anything as a benefit or fun for yourself. You have to be strict on yourself and keep to the mentality that YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL AND REACT to emotional and non emotional life situations. It is simple to believe that you are helping yourself by occupying your mind with something but, another experience that I have lived for all of us, this will never work. It doesn't matter if your hobby benefits your family, if it is occupying your mind in such a way that it takes even more away from your kids and husband, it is just as detrimental as what drove you to get the hobby to begin with.

Coupons: Ready to Rock and Roll

Welcome back to all of my fellow Uncommon Moms. By now we have touched on how to begin the journey of saving our families hundreds of dollars by two separate means, Dumpster Diving and Couponing. Today we are going to continue with the journey of learning the basics of how to coupon the right way. In this part of our journey, we are going to learn how to maximize our saving at the stores either we already shop in or would like to shop in. It is best to make a price guide based on what you buy for the various stores you shop at, both regular and sale prices. The southernsavers.com  website has a good printout for the various prices and at what prices to stock up on the various items. This tends to make the list making a little smoother, as we know if the current price is a stock up price, or just a buy what you need price.

As any novice couponer can tell you, you can never be brand loyal when you use coupons. The reason that this holds true is strictly because no one brand ALWAYS has the best deal or coupon. You have to know how to be flexible, while not being too much of a push over. I say pushover not to be rude, the majority of cashiers in the stores are not very educated in coupons, unless you are fortunate enough to get one that actually uses coupons themselves. They will attempt to tell you anything about what you can use and what you cannot use so just be aware and well versed in both the policies and terminology of coupons. This is a world of its own with its eon language that you have to be fluent in or you will never save any money. Back on topic, you will see perfect examples weekly showing there cannot be brand loyalty. One week Tide may have a great coupon, with a great match up at Target, and the next week it could be All that has the better deal at CVS, so you have to show flex in your planning and consumption of these products. If a member of your family has an allergy or sensitive skin, you are saving enough to buy them a smaller, personal use size of the products that they use. I have been noticing lately that there are more coupons for organically made products, as well as special diet items so just be on the look out (BOLO) for those. I have learned that the majority of times we do always get the best deals on a lot of the same items, but I believe that the deeper you hunt, the more you find.

Next we talk about some of the stores, and their multiple ways to save money. Target is the first store that we will talk about as they offer weekly gift card match ups, and offer multiple savings on one item. Target as a brand offers two separate ways to save money on one item, in addition to our coupons from the inserts. They offer store/mobile coupons, and Cartwheel (Target store app for percentage off various items) discounts that can be used throughout the store. I have noticed that many times the deals offered on your individual Cartwheel app are tailored based on what you buy and even where you may be in the store. Here is an example of an item bought at Target; Febreeze@ $2.99-$.50(tq)-5%(Cartwheel)-$1.00(mq)=$1.34. Do you see how that worked out? I was able to get three discounts for one item, and sometimes you will be lucky enough to get a gift card out of the deal as well. This is why I love Target. A good resource for shopping at Target is the website that is dedicated to finding the deals there, totallytarget.com which has match ups that are updated regularly for all of the decals at Target, from advertised to unadvertised. I definetly have this site bookmarked on my iPad. Other stores offer double savings such as match ups of store coupons, percentage off discounts, and dollars off your entire order coupons (most times as a Catalina) and manufacter coupons. The point of it all is to maximize the savings, so of that means to bring your phone to use the store coupon with the newspaper coupons that you have clipped, then so be it. Couponing is a process that takes time, organization (to a point), and patience from both you and your family. Sometimes you may get a cashier who doesn't like the process, so they may make your trip more difficult but I have to suggest that no matter what, keep calm and coupon on! 

When you are searching for the match ups of manufacter coupons and store coupons, you have to be mindful that some stores will offer both store coupons and manufacter e-coupons, which cannot be stacked, or used with, your paper manufacter coupons. On the other hand, many stores will tailor the mobile deals offered to each shopper based specifically on what you have bought in the past. To some this is pretty creepy, but it does make sense that the stores would market this way, it ensures that we will keep spending our money on the items with the best deals. This will probably be the most daunting part of couponing, but thanks to technology, there are apps and websites that will basically do this for you. As I have said many times before, make sure you sign up for as many text and email alerts for the various stores, while it may be a little annoying at times, it proves to pay off when matching up sales. I have actually set up a separate email address strictly for my coupon alerts, mystery shops, and surveys. If you are like me and are too disabled to work, but not enough disabled to be disabled them you are always looking for ways to not only stretch all of your dollars, but also to add some dollars to the pot. I bet that if we all took at least half of what we save with coupons, diving, etc. and put it on a jar, safe, or some other storage option outside of the traditional bank, in just one month you will have no less then $100, as long as you are diligent with yourself and your family members not to spend any money if it is not using coupons. This will be more difficult for some members than others, but if it is going to work, then it has to be the entire family unit.

Speaking of match ups, let's touch on Ad Match/Price Matching, as there are many stores who are now matching the prices of their competitors, upon request. Each store that has a price match policy, has varying yet many times very similar guidelines as to what and whose prices they will match. Stores like Target limit whose prices they will match, both online and. brick and mortar. Walmart on the he other hand, will match basically any brick and mortar, except another Walmart. That's right, different Walmarts will have different prices for the same item, yet they will not match EACHOTHER. Walmart also will not match their online prices, but as of November 13, they are now matching amazon.com prices. Being that this is such a new amendment to their policy, you are going to want to have a copy of this with you. There is a direct link to the policy below. With this one you are better off buying it where you see it cheaper, rather than attempting to match it. Family Dollar recently began an Ad Match policy, which from what I can tell you simply need the ad for the identical item. There are only about 8-10 stores in total who will price match their competitors, yet they all have pretty similar guidelines. 

               1. Target

               2. Lowe's

               3. JC Penney's

               4. Walmart

               5. Sears

               6. Home Depot

               7. Best Buy

               8. Kohl's

               9. Family Dollar

You can find direct links to the Price Match Policy's at the link below.

http://www.dailyfinance.com/photos/stores-that-price-match/#!fullscreen&slide=976550

It is important to have your trips as planned and organized as possible, to ensure that you are not over spending. I have noticed that taking my entire family with me to the grocery store, with the illusions that they will actually help me with the heavy lifting seems dillusional, as they really just like to throw off my budget. I do not suggest that you take your kids and spouse with you, no matter how bad they want to go, you just tell them to lt you know what they would like and be ready for some lifting when you get home. You will soon see that while your main objective is couponing, you will actually benefit from the alone time as well.

By now we have all of our supplies, have taken inventory of our kitchens, and have made a well planned list with our corresponding coupons. You are just about ready. The last tidbit of information that you have to carry with you is the math. Adding and subtracting to find any overages in your coupons that will help bring down the cost of eh other items in your basket. A professional couponer I know has always said that the key to her ability is knowing how to add and subtract. I know this seems simple, but some people still have issues with the way the stores do math and the way we are taught in school to do math. I believe I may have touched on this before, but I will explain it so we can all be on the same page. When you bring your items to the register, it adds the cost of all of the times to get the subtotal. Your price matching is done during that time, so when adding, you automatically change that price. Your coupons are subtracted from the subtotal, so you must also do your math this same way. I have seen it done "normal" math, where we take the amount of the coupon of the price of the item, but honestly, it did not have the same total and it seemed to be unnecessary. It is best to figure your math the exact way the cash register would because that is actually the final say.

Now you are ready for your first trip. I suggest that you take it slow until you see which system s going to be best for you. This way you can ensure that if your math is off, your still not out of pocket much. I also suggest shopping at a store that you are familiar with, where you regularly shop as you are more accustomed to the lay out of the store as well as the normal prices for that store. Planning makes a world of difference, this is a lesson that I have had to learn the hard way and I am hoping that you will just take my word for it. I am the very definition of unorganized, but my coupons I attempt to be more organized with those, yet no one is perfect. You need to make sure that you have the coupons that you need ( I usually bring all of mine in a tote bag I found for $1.49 at my favorite thrift store) as well as your list which should have included your math and what you will pay out of pocket. If you are not that great in math, I suggest you bring a calculator or make the one on your phone your best friend.also, if you plan on going to one of the stores who price match, make sure you have your ads with you, and for Walmart and Amazon, I suggest to have the exact page bookmarked on your phone or maybe even to print out the item in your shopping cart as proof of the price match. This policy is still very new at Walmart so don't be surprised if the cashier looks at you with a blank stare, just ask for the manager as politely as possible.

I wish you luck on your first, second, and all of your shopping trips when you are couponing, price matching, or any other legal method of saving your family money. I know that what you have learned in both this and my previous post will give you the tools you need to begin this awesome journey of saving literally hundreds of dollars for our families every month. I invite all of my readers to post your own success stories, questions, photos, and anything else coupon related, as we are all here to learn new things and help each other. HAPPY COUPONING!!

Coupons:Let's Get Started!

With the ever volatile economy that we face daily, more and more people are looking for ways to save money anyway they can. Coupons have become th new currency for many, yet how do they save so much with these slips of newspaper that only show pennies on the dollar saved? How do these shows like "Extreme Couponing" exist, showing people paying less then $10 for hundreds of dollars worth of groceries? I can assure you that many of the scenerios portrayed on shows such as "Extreme" are actually staged, while also abusing the many "glitches" held within those tiny barcordes. I have tried every way under the sun to save money, and I can tell you from experience that most times, these "glitches"are known and capitalized upon. I know, your not reading this post to hear me complain about the glitches, you want to know how to do it the RIGHT way. Well, we will start from the basics and see where it goes!

First things first, you have to decide how you are going to organize your coupons. Depending on your volume, you can use three main ideas for storing and using your coupons which include the small organizer, bought from any dollar store, the shoe box and divider method, and my favorite, the binder method. You have to choose a method that is practical for you and your lifestyle, as well as how many coupons you expect to hold and how functional it is for you while being utilized. If you are a single person, or it's only you and your spouse, for practicality sake, you should use either the small organizer or the shoe box methods. The difference between the two is simply to clip or not to clip the coupons. If you are shopping for a family of six, like myself, then it is most practical to use either the shoe box (again) or the binder method. Yet again, the decision lies between clipping or not clipping your coupons. Just keep in mind that if you do clip coupons, you will need to invest more time. You should also carry with you a pair of scissors, a stapler, paper clips, a pen, and a note pad. This is also where you should carry your stores loyalty cards in a ziploc sandwich bag if you carry the actual card rather than having it mobile.These materials will help when organizing your inserts, as well as when in the store to keep the coupons you are using together, lists and math up to par, and always to have everything within arms reach.

After you have figured out how you are going to organize your coupons, next you will have to decide where you will get your inserts from. Most people will just go out and buy the Sunday paper for the coupons, but I do not see the sense in paying a dollar for a minimum of two inserts. I choose to order my inserts through a service, which I have found to be more cost effective, as I am able to get 15 dollars worth of inserts for less then 10 dollars. I did not begin couponing with this service, I began by buying the newspapers every week, yet I found it to be exhausting and really seemed to defeat the purpose of trying to save money. Then I would go out Dumpster Diving for the inserts, which proved to be just as inefficient, as I was driving from recycle bin to recycle bin hoping to find recent inserts. Then I began looking for a way to get the inserts without having to drive from store to store or bin to bin, and the search for a reliable supplier began. You have to be careful who you do business with, even in the coupon game, there are still people out there that will take your money and give you nothing in return. After going through two or three different suppliers, I have finally found the supplier for me. Like everything in life, coupon supply is trial and error. And as for how many inserts to buy, well, that is probably simpler than finding a supplier. When calculating how many inserts, rule of thumb is to buy two inserts per person in your household, yet I tend to grab between three and four because our family are peppers, so we have to have more per person. This tends to also cause an issue because of the space in my house for available storage, but that is both a separate issue and the very definition of the Uncommon Mom.

After you have sorted, organized, and clipped your coupons, now it is time to gather the coupon policies for the stores you shop in, print them, and carry them with you. You have to be more familiar with these policies then the employees are, and most times this will not take much more than knowing them, as most employees are not familiar with the policies or terminology of the coupons the ways that a couponer knows them. Some stores such as Kroger and Albertsons have store maps in the store, it's best to take one and keep this in your binder as well so that you can familiarize yourself with the set up with the store, this will shorten your trips knowing the layout. You should also make a schedule for yourself, if you don't already have one. When you make your schedule, you will need to figure out the sale cycles, which days the stores you shop at switch their sales. It is best to plan your shopping days as close to the beginning of the sale week as possible, so that you can ensure that you will find the items in stock. Never forget, you are not the only shopper using coupons and there are many people who shop to clear the shelves, so shop early. It is also good practice to take an inventory before you begin couponing, that way you know exactly what is in your house. This way is the simplest way of this process, as you can add in items once you begin to build your stockpile and will always know what is on hand. Keep a copy of this with you, as an Uncommon Mom I can always use a reminder of what I have and how many. 

How do I learn when the sale cycles are? Which store has the best deal with my coupons? I have more apps than I actually use, but as I say in everything, to have more is better than to have less and many of those apps are for coupons, saving money, free things, and reading the coupon barcodes. I think one of my favorite sites that I use regularly is couponmom.com, I like the app QSeer for reading the barcodes on the coupons telling me which coupons actually do not expire, or when I do not actually have to buy a product to get one free. This app may cause some confusion, so I would say use at your own discretion. A good site which also has an app for free things is of course ILFT.com, which of course stands for I love free things. I also suggest following such sites as totallytarget.com, krogerkrazy.com, iheartthemart.com, and using couponmom.com for your match-ups, as this site has a great feature to build the list from the best sales organized by either state or store. These sites are great to check daily, but I will warn you that if you subscribe to the text message alerts from some of these sites, your phone will be going off all day long. If you shop at multiple stores, you may find that these types of alerts are helpful when trying to keep all of the sales in order, yet I personally rather search the various sites on my own, then I compare my list of items to the sale list from the couponmom.com site. I have to admit, since I began Dumpster Diving like it is my job, my coupons and my stockpile have fallen desperate victims for attention, yet I hope that writing this blog not only gets you in the he groove of saving money, but will also put me back on track.

At this point, we should all have our binders or boxes set up with dividers, inserts, coupon policies, and store maps (where available) along with our supply pouch ready to go. You may think that you are ready to hit the stores, right? WRONG. You are only just beginning, yet this is the best place to start. Your next step is going to be learning how to maximize the savings at various stores, which is the next segment of our journey. I hope you tune in to see how I can help you have at least a 50% savings at your favorite store....

Mom's Sadness

I'll bet it is fairly safe to assume that when you found this blog on whatever search engine you used, you did not imagine that it would be this way. Maybe you imagined a site such as couponmom.com, or some other comparable site, which did nothing more than search for deals, matching coupons, and compiling lists. Or maybe you imagined a blog such as thegkamoroushousewife.com, claiming to teach you how to clean house, bake cookies, make hair bows, and be sexually attentive to your husband all while never smudging your bright red lipstick. I am on no way bashing these sites for what they do, or claim to teach us mothers, but I will say that sometimes, as a mother, this is just not what we are looking for in a blog. For a mother who suffers from any form of mental illness, it is very difficult to adhere to the schedules and constraints of the "perfect housewife" yet no one ever wants to admit that she is having a difficult time managing her family,

More mothers than can to admit are depressed in some form. Most times it is mislabeled as being moody, or in some cases, it is over diagnosed as Post Partum depression. Yet with so many varying forms of depression, without the proper care, it will never be properly diagnosed or managed. Depression is not a case of just being moody, overly emotional, or plain old mad. Depression is deeper than any of these feelings. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain, caused by various factors including saratonin and oxytocin. These two chemicals which are produced in the brain are believed to not only have an impact on maternal depression, but also how this ripples onto the children. I am no scientist, and will not begin to assume that I know how the chemical makeup of our brains is calculated and maintained, but what I do know is that it is very true that the more depressed the mother, it definetly affects the children, and can cause depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders in them that will be difficult to reverse without the mother being treated first.

I have written about maternal depression on more than one occasion, and will most likely continue to write about maternal depression as this issue hits very close to home with me. I am a prime example of the Depression Ripple Affect, as I like to call it, one mother passing on her depression to her daughter and so on. I come from a long line of depressed women, beginning with my grandmother, and possibly my great grandmother, yet she was never the type to admit if she were depressed or not, she just flushed it away with the trash. My grandmother, on the other hand, was not as good at hiding as her mother. Her depression got the best if her from the time of her first born, throughout her marriage, and having three other daughters preceding the first. This depression rippled down to those children who were mentally weaker then the others, it seemed to affect the youngest daughter them most, yet the third daughter was affected, however minor. This ripple was not something that was hidden very well, if at all. I'm not sure if any of the siblings have ever actually put this together as I am right not. My grandmother was, and still is a very depressed woman. As we speak, she sits in her assisted living home that she has lived in as long as I can remember, while her two living children want nothing to do with her. The eldest two siblings are the only two living children she has, yet it seems as though they have turned the tables in their own mother and sent her off, just the way she did when they were small children. These two children seem to display more anger and hate than depression, yet it may even be safe to assume that all four of the children were affected by their mothers depression in a chemical level, and not only an environmental level.

My mother suffered from sever depression before she took her own life at the age of 35, and this did affect me and my siblings, however short our time was exposed to her. We were not raised by he, and only lived with her for a total of three years of my lifetime. No matter the amount of time that I was exposed to my mother, I too now suffer from various different forms of depression, and I fear that at least one of my four children will also suffer from some form of depression. The one thing that has become very appearent is that it has now become my responsibility to end this cycle in my family. I have it stop this vicious cycle of anxiety, depression, and anger that has plagued my family for generations. It is my responsibility to cure my own depression so that I am not teaching my children from poor examples. Our children only imitate what they see in their parents and other adults that are involved in their lives. 

We as mothers are responsible for everything that happens in and around our homes and families, yet if we suffer from depression, anxiety, anger disorder, or any other mental illness, everything in our homes will also suffer. Once I became a mother, two things happened, the first and most important being that I am now responsible for the well being of someone else. The second thing that changed is that now what I do and how I react will affect this child forever. It was my fault that I didn't change too much from before I had children until now, and I should have gotten help for my own depression, but I am not a bad mother, neither is any other mother who is in my similar position. We are not at fault for being depressed, we are not at fault for not being able to afford proper care,yet we are at fault for taking out our depression, anxiety, and anger on our husbands and children. This should be our motivation for change. Despite beliefs, we are able to help ourselves if we are able to motivate ourselves. We need to be open with our husbands and ask them for the support needed so that we can beat this on our own. We are able to beat this and end the vicious cycle if we are motivated and consistent with our regimine.

Who is the Uncommon Mom?

Who is the Uncommon Mom? What does the Uncommon Mom do to separate her from the common moms, who bake cookies daily while running their kids all over the place, still having time to rub her husbands feet when he comes home from a long day of work. There is nothing wrong with being common, it just happens to drive me up my fingerprint ridden walls. Now we know what we are not. How about finding out who we are? This is a journey we can embark on together, as all humans have room to learn and grow. It has been proven by countless studies that when a mother is depressed, suffers from anxiety, or any other mood disorder, it WILL directly affect her children. Who wants their child to suffer from any of these disorders? The only way that we can save our children from this outcome, is by taking care of our own mental health. We as mothers, wives, and women have to ensure that we are able to carry the many things we are expected to carry, both mentally and physically.
Do you have time to have a hobby? If so, how often do you partake in your hobby? Do you borrow or steal your time that you evoke to your hobby? The common house mom may or may not have time for a hobby or time just for MOM with all of the baking, and driving, and don't forget the rubbing. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, embrace it and do it only the best way you know how.  Sometimes you have to steal your alone time, leaving the house to your hubby. In my household, as long as dinner is ready and there isn't a pigsty, I pretty much have all of the time I need for my hobby. I think there is also an ulterior  motive behind my hubby being so cool about my stealing time for my hobby. My hobby just happens to feed my family while saving our family hundreds of dollars a month (you can read about it here on my blog). Not everyone's hobby has this same benefit as mine, yet sometimes you have to be willing to steal the time for yourself, to ensure your own sanity, for the betterment of your family. I am a prime example of what can happen to a person when they are a stay at home mom and have no hobby or outlet. What happens to a person like this? YOU GO CRAZY. There are no two ways about it. When you have no way out of your own space, the walls begin to take on an entirely new shape.
I am not going to dwell here about our hobbies and what we should do so that we can enjoy them. What I will do is encourage you, the Uncommon Housewife to embrace whatever it is that you enjoy doing, and DO IT. Find time for yourself, it can be early in the morning after the kids go to school, or even at night after everyone is fed and out of the way. YOU CANNOT BE MISERABLE WITH A LIFE YOU CHOOSE. You have made the choice, now figure out a way to enjoy it the best way you can. When you are miserable in the life you live, you will fall into a hole deeper than that of the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. I have fallen into this hole mor times than I am proud to admit. One of those times was right after I had my hysterectomy, which was supposed to have given me a second chance at life, removing two different, yet relate types of cancer from my body. Yet, I felt different about life. I didn't feel as healthy as I should have felt. There were other health problems that would now arise that would take a toll on my body that is still felt today. I could not get out of bed, my home spiraled out of control with disorganization and unruly children. It seemed as though my life was taking advantage of the situation.
I am far from a perfect mother or wife. I lack in so many areas yet to list them would only make me feel worse about it all. I do have laundry stacked in my living room, waiting patiently to be folded and put away. I have dust on my ceiling fans, and bookshelves. I am not perfect, yet I do some day strive to be as close as possible. I have tried to follow the lead of such perfect housewives as Martha Stewart, and the Flylady, yet I always find a way to fall out of their programs, finding them impossible for any regular, uncommon housewife to follow. I know that I am wrong in this assumption, as if I were correct, these women and others like them, would not have the notoriety that they do. How did they get to be so perfect? Were their mothers these types of women, teaching them nothing other than to be organized and crafty, to put their husbands, and families needs before their own, and never allow the laundry to come out of the dryer without being immediately folded and put away. Well, I didn't have this growing up, and I try not to blame the mother and wife I am today, on the way that I was raised a a child. 
My mother left when I was a toddler, and I was raised by a single father who didn't know how to teach femininity. I can sit here all day long about how I was lacking something growing up and this is why I can't get my household under a regular schedule, or why I am lost as to how to discipline my  children and help my oldest with her anxiety. I cannot, as an adult still use this as a crutch. I have to find a regimine that is easy for me to follow, so that my family can live more comfortably than I did. Writing helps me to get things out in the open, a therapy of sorts, hopefully, my writing can help someone else who may have grown up in a similar situation as I have, or may have had a mother who was in and out. Whatever your situation, however you have gotten to this point we are here for each other and will fix each other. I invite you to comment below on what you do to help yourself and your family to live better, or whatever questions you have I will answer the best way I can.

Saving Hundreds in One Month

When my husband found his job after almost one year of being unemployed, our family looked at this as a way out of the financial rut, yet it actually did our family a little more harm than good. This should have done the exact opposite, yet it caused us to lose more than we have been able to gain back.

My health is one of the causes of me being a Stay at Home Mom, other then me wanting to be home with my son rather than some random babysitter. When my husband went back to work, I had been in remission from Ovarian and Uterine cancer for a little over 7 months, yet newly diagnosed with a laundry list of Degenerative and nerve disorders. I felt healthy enough with the proper medications to provide my son with the attention that he needs, being born with Down Syndrome, and fortunate to have the insurance to cover the very expensive medications. To make a seemingly long story short, my family was receiving Medicaid and with the new income of little over minimum wage, this now disqualified myself and my husband from being covered. This also reduced the amount of Food Stamps that we were receiving to feed our four children. I could adjust to the lose of one, but when we lost both, it began to cost our family money that was "robbing Peter to pay Paul." We had to choose between buying my medications or paying or bills. You can only guess which one we went without. 

It seemed as though the hours spent clipping coupons and planning shopping trips weren't working in saving as much as we needed to in order to pay for at least some of my medications. I was no stranger to taking items that others have discarded, as the majority of the furniture in my house was obtained this way. I was also no stranger to going to the dumpsters of retail stores, as I had obtained ALL of my small kitchen appliances this way. Yet I needed a way to save money on the thing we needed most and what we spent the most on, our food. This is where my families greatest need was, and if I were able to find a way to save on food, I may be able to pay for my medications.

I had seen others who were literally LIVING off of the food they were finding while Dumpster Diving at grocery stores. I would never had considered to even go to the grocery store, had I not seen the results others were getting. JACKPOT! Since I began searching my area grocery stores, I have found that about 75% of the grocery stores have compactors, which are totally inaccessible to anyone outside of the store. The stores that do not have a compactor throw away enough food to literally feed my family of six, with enough left over for me to be able to help out five family's that would not have had food otherwise. The amount of waste that these stores produce is amazing, many times for little more than an imperfect package, hardly ever is the food closer than a week of sale by date. I have definetly learned the true meaning of "one man's trash is another man's treasure."

Since I began diving for groceries, I have not had to spend more than $40 at the grocery store. I haven't had to buy meat in over one month, and I already have my Christmas ham. By no means am I trying to boast or brag about how much I save or what I find, I'm only trying to enlighten you all about the possibilities that are available. Some may say that we should have learned how to manage without the help of the government, and maybe that is true, but this is a position that we were in and the position I felt responsible to get my family out of. I felt responsible to my family since I wasn't able to work, I had to contribute SOMETHING! I'm not saying that you have to be disabled to be able to get your food from the discards of big business, but what I am saying is that no matter what your situation, you are able to make a way for you and your family to survive. WE ARE ALL SURVIVORS.