The only way to make a change is if you are ready to make a change, and you may not always be as ready as you think. Honestly, when you suffer within yourself daily, as I do with the constant pain that I am in, in addition to the daily battles with my children, change seems almost impossible, when I do remember to think about the change I am striving for. Life always seems to get in the way of trying to better myself. Why does it seem as though my life is sabotaging itself? The answer is simple, I am allowing my life to run away with itself. Change comes in baby steps, and never happens overnight. This is something that I have had to learn the hard way over my 32 years on this Earth, as have many mothers, fathers, and people in general.
All of us have had different life experiences, upbringing, and environment which have formed us to be a certain way, those same factors have either been an asset or a liability to us as individuals. The style of parenting which your own parents practiced has either taught you the best or worst skills to utilize in our own lives. Personally, i did not have the best up bringing, yet my father did the best he could do with the skills he had. My father had no knowledge of how to raise a girl to be a young lady, and though he gave it his best , I am still lost as a female, wife, and mother. Now the responsibility lies with me alone, I am now responsible to turn three little girls into three young women with less of an instructional manual than a person who grew up with a positive female role model.
What does any of this have to do with a New Year's resolution? For some, absolutely nothing, but for me, it has everything do with my New Year's resolution. I have been a mother for over nine years and have four kiddos all individuals in their own rights. On the outside, they are all very smart, helpful, and sweet children, yet to me and my husband they are like Jekyll and Hyde. Most people who know my children have nothing but great things to say about them, yet as soon as they are at home, in their comfort zone they turn into little monsters! This falls more on me as the parent than it does on my children because of the lack of consistency, true boundaries, and a concrete set of guidelines to follow. This is where my resolutions come into play. This is the point when I as the mother need to show my children the consistency that I lacked as a child and has lasted until this day to some degree.
I am not the only parent in this seemingly never ending cycle of struggles, but I am able to recognize and want to change the ways of my father in me. I have had the same resolution for about eight years now, which more than shows that it has yet to be accomplished. It has nothing to do with my weight or physical appearance, rather the amount of patience I am able to exhibit, no matter the situation. Another has to do deal with my abilities to improve my own life, by means of becoming more able to control my own impulses. My husband has stated on more than one occasion that he doesn't like going places with me because he doesn't know whether or not I'm going to have to be walked out. I honestly do not plan on being embarrassed in this way but if I feel that something is not right I make a point to make it right. Many times I have become aggressive verbally when in this type of situation. This is my inner demon, my Achilles heel, the one thing that could take me down in life if I do not get my impulses under control. I am a mother and I definitely do not want my children to pick up this trait and all that comes with it. They have already begun to pick up on traits of mine, some better than others yet we do not choose what our children will learn.
We all stress over making resolutions, these changes that we seek in our lives for only a small moment in time, but are they really worth all of the hype? Why isn't this same drive and determination being used to change all 365 days of being you? If you have the energy to read this blog than you have the energy to first desire the change, and then that same desire is turned into that change in you. I am still changing and finding the desire to change on a regular basis, so we are in this fight together.
We all stress over making resolutions, these changes that we seek in our lives for only a small moment in time, but are they really worth all of the hype? Why isn't this same drive and determination being used to change all 365 days of being you? If you have the energy to read this blog than you have the energy to first desire the change, and then that same desire is turned into that change in you. I am still changing and finding the desire to change on a regular basis, so we are in this fight together.
